“There’s the feeling of being damaged, with intensely painful shame about that. There’s the loss not just of the pregnancy, but of one’s hopes and dreams for that child into the future. There’s guilt over inflicting childlessness on the one they love. There’s the feeling you’ve lost control over your life,” says a psychiatrist Monica N. Starkman M.D.
The previous blog titled “Things That You Should Know About Grief And Depression After A Miscarriage” talked about thoughts. These thoughts will help mothers who have experienced a miscarriage or losing their unborn babies to move on from the traumatic experience. Now, with this blog, more ideas will be shared. For the benefit of those who are undergoing the pain of a lost child, think about these:
“Suicidal thoughts can be shorthand for “I feel ashamed, alone, helpless, depressed, guilty, angry, hopeless, and fearful.” Suicidal thoughts can remind people that they are in ultimate control of their lives during times when they feel out of control and scared,” says Melissa Welby M.D.
The rate of suicide has skyrocketed in the past few years. Many people decide to cut their own lives. They are the ones who have lost hope and faith. These are the same persons who were not able to get the right help they need when they were struggling with depression and other mental health problems. No one was able to remind them that life is worth living and that they can survive it all.
Simply put, postpartum depression is the presence of a clinical depression during the postpartum period. In that way, postpartum depression is exactly like any other depression that is unrelated to childbirth. But there’s more to it than that,” says Karen Kleiman MSW, LCSW.
There are common misconceptions that add further insult to injury.
It’s quite funny and distressing, at the same time, to hear things that clueless people say about postpartum depression(PPD) or depression in general. A lot of people believe that the condition is not real or is just something that came along with the pregnancy which will eventually go away once the beautiful baby is born.
“Women with peripartum major depressive episodes often have severe anxiety and even panic attacks during the peripartum period. Moreover, studies examining women pre-to-post-pregnancy demonstrate that those with anxiety or the “baby blues” during pregnancy are at increased risk for postpartum depression,” says John Grohol PsyD. Depression can manifest even before the mother gives birth.
The signs and symptoms of the condition are apparent that they’re not hard to miss.
How does one figure out if she is experiencing postpartum depression? According to research, about 20% of women who gave birth might show signs of having postpartum depression. Furthermore, PPD may not be immediately noticeable right after childbirth. Instead, it could manifest a year after the baby was born.
The statistics technically means that as a woman who is planning on getting pregnant, there is a chance that you might suffer from postpartum depression. On the other hand, if you just recently had a baby and are somehow curious if you are currently experiencing depression, there are specific indications that you might recognize.
Unraveling The Telltale Signs
“Different women react differently but normal baby blues are usually accompanied by moments of joy and wonder and happiness about the baby and motherhood. The emotions settle down after a couple of weeks and the routines and rhythms of new parenting get established,” says licensed marriage and family counselor Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.
Though not all women will experience the same signs and symptoms, there is absolute consistency in the theme. While one mom can suffer from one or two symptoms, others will be overwhelmed by all of it. It is important to recognize that depression can take on many forms. Amongst others, here are some indicatory signs that you have PPD.
Choices Terrify You
When faced with a dilemma, mothers who have PPD will be severely anxious, especially if the decisions are regarding their babies. They will feel frightened and stifled with the thought that any choice can turn out badly. Moms would also feel the need for constant reassurance just to ease their worries and make sure that they are doing fine.
Sleep Is Elusive
Even if the baby is fast asleep, a depressed mom will find it hard to acquire a decent snooze at night. In the beginning, it is normal to lose sleep since mothers are wired to look after their newborns that tend to have irregular sleeping habits. Moms who do not get adequate sleep at night will experience significant health issues and find it hard to focus on regular daily tasks.
Despondency Does Not Go Away
Stress and exhaustion are normal in moderation; this is termed as “baby blues” and is prevalent during the first few weeks after childbirth. However, if the feeling of despair does not get relieved after a month or so, the sense of melancholia may have had evolved into depression.
Thoughts Of Hurting You And Your Baby Has Come To Mind
This occurrence might be one of the most horrible feelings that a depressed mom could endure. Though these hurtful visions and thoughts(like dropping the newborn in the tub) will occasionally cloud the mom’s mind, acting upon them is less likely. However, these visions and thoughts might make the mother feel bad about herself and is ashamed that those horrid ideas ever came to mind.
Disconnect From The Baby
Samantha Meltzer-Brody, MD, MPH said “They are able to function in their roles but have significant anxiety and mood symptoms that rob them of the joy of being a mother and interfere with their ability to develop good attachment and bonding with their infants.”
Moms who have this particular level of disconnect from their babies – who feel that the motherly attachment is absent – may be experiencing postpartum depression. Being disheartened by the sight of the baby is considered one of the most common signs of PPD. This may lead to an insufficient amount of love, care, and nourishment given to the baby.
Do not be remorseful if you ever felt one or more of these signs and symptoms. However, it is advised to seek immediate medical attention once you’ve recognized that you are dealing with these manifestations for the sake of you and your baby.
“If I hear you say that one more time, I will throw you off a bridge,” the depressed mom thought with a huge, agonizing grin on her face. She nods and pretends to listen through the tedious, unhelpful monologue from her relatives that have no clue whatsoever about what postpartum depression is and how it actually feels.
The Painful Reality
According to Samantha Meltzer-Brody, MD, MPH, “Women with PPD usually have low mood, prominent anxiety and worry, disrupted sleep, feelings of being overwhelmed, and can also feel very guilty that they are not enjoying their experience of motherhood.”
It’s no secret that the majority of people will give out silly comments, opinions, or advice that are mostly directed to people who are suffering from mental illnesses. Having a baby and being depressed at the same time does not exempt the mother from being a vessel for unwanted remarks and superficial concern. In fact, it’s after childbirth that depressed women receive the most attention and criticisms.
Now this: You are not the only person who struggles with your frustrations of being a depressed mom. There are a lot of women with postpartum depression who are now victims of flimsy, unnecessary acknowledgments.
Side note: If you think you have postpartum depression, the most important thing that you should do is seek professional help to avoid distressing complications not only for you but for the baby as well.
“PPD is a serious illness that requires professional help. It’s highly treatable with psychotherapy and medication,” says Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
Somehow, there will be a specific situation below that you will find relatable. These frustrations are laid out not to perpetuate or normalize these cases but to recognize it and possibly lessen its existence.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m supposed to feel a surge of maternal instinct, right? I’m supposed to love my baby. Why am I so overwhelmed and uninterested?”Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. says that these are the common words of women going in her office for therapy with their PPD.
You Are Just Dramatic
Telenovelas are dramatic, people with depression are not. Depression is a mental illness that does not go away overnight. It is as real as any other physical illness that requires medical attention. Telling a mom with postpartum depression that she is just over-reacting is similar to telling a person with chest pain that he is just climactic.
Your Baby’s Supposed To Take The Sadness Away
With postpartum depression, the baby somewhat becomes a trigger; not because the mother despises the child but because whenever the mom sees her baby, some uncontrollable thoughts and feelings start to arise. The worst part is that moms know that their babies are a source of happiness, which is why asking someone with PPD to be happy because of the baby makes that person suffer even more because part of their brain makes them hard to do so.
Visitations Are Agonizing
There are three classifications of people in this world – the ones who genuinely care, the ones who don’t give a crap, and the ones who pretend to care. The last one is the worst. Visitations are part of having a baby, but somehow, moms with PPD hate having people come over especially those who act like they care but in reality, they just want to pry and prove that they know what’s happening when in fact, they don’t.
Calling Out For The Weight Loss
Just to set things straight – depression leaves people with no desire whatsoever to do enjoyable, healthy activities that they used to do. Therefore, mothers who have PPD lose weight not because they are engaged in weight loss activities but because they have lost the appetite to take in the recommended nutrition.
Snap Out Of It
If depressed moms would have a dollar for hearing this from friends, family members, or even co-workers, she would’ve had a lifetime supply of depression medications and will have enough money to subscribe to an unlimited session with her therapist.
Again, if moms with postpartum depression could just “get over it,” they would have done so even before the condition worsened, but they can’t. And if you are experiencing PPD, it is comforting to know that other people can relate to your struggles and are willing to listen and understand.
You’ve heard about postpartum depression in moms. But, are you aware that dads can suffer too? Depression really does not choose a side or a gender. Though the numbers are not as high compared to the females, probably because only a few could bring it up, data is consistent in showing that PPD in men can happen and is happening.
“A new study discovers prenatal or postpartum depression is not limited to mothers. About 10 percent of fathers experience these forms of depression, with rates being highest in the three- to six-month postpartum period,” says Rick Nauert PhD, clinical psychologist.
The medical literature described other clinical states that can happen during pregnancy. It is important to differentiate and identify the clinical state of the mother as each may require a different approach. Some may need psychotherapy, medications, or none at all.
Baby Blues. Considered as the most common form of mood imbalance occurring as early as Day 5 following delivery period and will last until 10 or 14 days. If the symptoms are mild, the mothering role is not compromised, and treatment may not be needed. However, if symptoms worsen, this can lead to a full-blown PPD.
“A new baby is the most exciting event on earth, but caring for the baby is a major new life adaptation. Baby blues is very common – crying and irritability To deal with it, one needs loving support, and others on hand to share in the care,” psychiatrist Dr. Robert Berezin M.D. explains the condition.
Post-partum Depression is a psychological state involving depressive episodes in some mothers occurring during pregnancy or after giving birth. Treatments may include psychotherapy or administration of certain medications to manage or treat the psychological imbalance. Experts believe that this can happen to mothers whose pregnancy is a result of rape or sexual abuse, lack of support from families or the husband, history of mental illness in the family, and hormonal imbalance that happens during pregnancy that may affect the brain functioning to regulate mood and effect.
Postpartum Panic Disorder. Presenting almost the same clinical features of a panic attack, the condition does not primarily display depression but fear or being scared to death. Medications can be given immediately to help the mother get over with panic symptoms. SSRIs or Serotonin reuptake inhibitors can alleviate symptoms of heightened anxiety levels, and CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy can be used as the panic attacks become frequent.
Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (PPOCD). Another mental health state that does not clinically portray depression as the primary problem, but the intrusive thoughts and compulsions following feelings of anxiety over the new role or experience. This is very common for new or young mothers and fathers alike. Being new to the parenting role, they possess the state of fear that they will do harm than good to the infant thus a cycle of obsession and compulsive actions are developed. The good news is that this condition is treatable and only temporary.
Postpartum Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PPPTSD). Giving birth can pose life-threatening situations both to the mother and the infant. Condition or circumstances like undergoing birth trauma such as forceps delivery, prolapse of the cord, or bleeding can lead to a traumatic experience for the mother and may eventually develop into post-traumatic stress disorder. This is also a temporary state and resolves once the mother has fully grasped the situation and with the help of mental health professionals and significant others.
“Postpartum PTSD is very different from Postpartum Depression. The former occurs as a result of trauma (or perceived trauma) during delivery, while the latter happens because of hormonal changes in a woman’s body as a natural result of giving birth,” according to Susanne Babbel MFT, PhD.
Postpartum Psychosis. The most serious and warrants hospital admission as the mother can be a threat to the infant or herself. The mother will be presenting significant signs of psychosis such as thought process deviations like hallucinations, illusion, and delusions. Since inpatient admission is required, the mother is prescribed with antipsychotic medications and psychotherapy in the later stages
Mothers need all the support, assistance, and care they need during pregnancy and after giving birth. The presence of the husband or father is very crucial during the whole pregnancy stage. Family support coming from first-degree family members is very significant to the mother while undergoing this phase of her life. One thing to remember is a happy pregnancy can lead to positive outlooks in the future.
To close, Robert J. Hedaya MD, DLFAPA, ABPN, CFM remind moms and dads: “I encourage child-bearing women to thoroughly discuss any mood disturbances with their physicians and their partner. Your emotional well-being is essential to your health, the health of your child, and the stability of your family.”
The challenge of motherhood can be daunting. Just thinking about the responsibility of bearing a child and what it means once you give birth is outright stressful. Motherhood is a lifetime commitment. The entire pregnancy process is nine months long, where you have to deal with your body changing to accommodate the life growing inside you.
Of course, coupled with stress, once the pressure and anxiety of the unknown come crashing down on you, you’ll feel sad and fatigued. That’s perfectly normal. Once your body has begun changing significantly, it will naturally affect the state of your mental health as well.
“Motherhood is challenging but humans are certainly capable of bouncing back from difficulty and renewing themselves. So what could make a woman vulnerable to mental illness as a mother? Well there could be many answers to that. Genetics, social environment, really bad luck, other stressors at the time of motherhood. It is often the perfect storm of some of these characteristics affecting a woman’s ability to be a mother,” says Erika Krull, MS, LMHP.
If you’re feeling sad, lonely, nervous or worried, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask for help. It’s essential that concerns such as this one are given notice right away, and not ignored. For you and your baby’s health, you should take care of yourself as much as you can. Sleep on time, eat healthy foods on time, exercise and regularly take your vitamins. If you feel like you need help, especially with regards to your mental health, don’t hesitate to reach out. As you go through your pregnancy, you’ll quickly realize that you’ll need a support system to get you through this experience. Don’t keep your problems to yourself. When it gets too much, reach out.
About 15% of women will develop depression or anxiety during pregnancy. These are among the most common mental health problems during pregnancy. Some illnesses that women are prone to during pregnancy are depression, anxiety, and in some cases, bipolar disorder. One out of ten women experiences antenatal depression, which is not uncommon. Antenatal anxiety is also a common illness and may be experienced together with depression at the same time. Antenatal depression, if left untreated, can be a precursor to postpartum depression.
Pregnancy And Depression
“Depression is a disorder that develops from environmental and biological issues that are unique to each person. Only one out of four individuals [with depression] seeks treatment. The reason more don’t go for psychotherapy or medication is stigma,” says Deborah Serani PsyD.
Depression is a mood disorder that affects 1 in every four women during the span of their entire life. Pregnant women are not an exception. However, diagnosis of depression can be during pregnancy due to a tendency of it being just another type of hormonal imbalance. Depression during pregnancy is called antepartum depression. It is a biological illness that involves changes in the chemical makeup of the brain. During pregnancy, hormone changes can affect the chemicals in your mind which are directly related to depression and anxiety.
Anxiety In Pregnancy
Anxiety is a feeling of unease, worry, and fear that can either be mild or severe. Some people with anxiety are also at risk of having panic attacks. Pregnant women may feel an overwhelming amount of worry, fear, anxiousness, and panic despite being okay physically. You have to remember that anxiety is a mental health condition and though you appear okay on the outside, doesn’t always mean you’re okay on the inside too. Anxiety in pregnancy is usual, with a ratio of 1 in every ten women having it.
Take Care Of Your Mental Health
Pregnancy and childbirth are major life events, so it’s understandable if you’re in utter fear of what the future may bring. Both can baffle you and affect your mental health significantly even without you noticing, so it’s essential that you talk to someone about your feelings and emotions.
Treating mental illnesses like depression and anxiety are treated the same way with pregnant women as with non-pregnant women. Once you’ve reached out and there has been a diagnosis of your mental health, steps will be taken to ensure you’re getting the help you need and deserve. Treatment includes weekly counseling and therapy sessions, and doctors might prescribe some safe medicine that can help ebb the hormonal imbalances in your brain. Safe exercises might also be suggested, like yoga and meditation. Your doctor might recommend any treatment that brings forth peace of mind and your overall wellbeing.
Talk to your doctor or your gynecologist. With pregnancy bears a lot of pressure and expectations that might get the better of you. It’s important to discuss these emotions and feelings with someone else, someone you trust, so they can guide you and possibly lessen the burden you are already carrying as a would-be mother. Motherhood is a fulfilling but entirely stressful experience, which is why you deserve to get as much help as you can as you journey down the road of procreation.
“It takes leaving those brains and smarts at the door and opening your heart and soul to the unknown. It’s in these moments where real connection lies, where children listen to what you’re saying—and learn from the mistakes and life lessons we teach them,” according to therapist Esther Goldstein, LCSW.
“Moms today are vulnerable in so many ways. With so many opportunities and freedoms, women can choose a lot of life paths including motherhood. But when genetic factors, relationship stressors, and other situations collide with motherhood, everyone can lose,” according to Erika Krull, MS, LMHP.
Although being able to bear a child gives an immense sense of fulfillment for most women since it signifies that their lives have come to a full circle, going through it tends to make some develop a mental illness. The typical ones that expectant mothers get diagnosed with are anxiety, depression, and mood disorders.
After all, it is not only your hormonal level that changes every month but also your body and priorities. That tends to be difficult to deal with, regardless of how much you want to have a baby.
Hence, here are six ideas to make things more bearable during your pregnancy.
1. Eat Right
While the momma does need to consume enough food for two people during pregnancy, you have to watch your diet still to ensure that you will not go beyond the weight limit. If you become overweight with a growing baby in your womb, it may be difficult for you to move around or give birth naturally.
2. Relax More
Considering you always work under a lot of pressure, you may need to take a leave of absence as that side of your life might stress you and your unborn kid out. Extreme fatigue can make one’s condition troublesome, or worse, cause a miscarriage. Thus, the mother has to obtain more relaxation times. “I’d use mindfulness to bring myself back to the present, away from all of the future-focused worries and back to the beautiful, curious creature in front of me,” says Ilyse Dobrow DiMarco, Ph.D.
3. Be Fit
There are exercises that trainers designed for mommies to ascertain that you are still physically active even when you are pregnant. Fitness offers many benefits too, such as making the delivery easier and maintaining the right weight.
Melanie S. Poudevigne, PhD, of Clayton State University, Georgia points out that the adverse consequences of inactivity “may be an especially important problem among pregnant women,” as up to 60 percent are inactive during pregnancy.
4. Take Supplements
Pregnant women go to doctors regularly not only to get their baby checked but also to get prenatal vitamins. These pills provide the nourishment that you may not get from what you eat, you see. They can also assist in the healthy development of the fetus.
5. Sleep A Lot
Ladies tend to feel more tired than ever when they are carrying a child because the body works so hard to take care of another human being. The best way to combat exhaustion is by sleeping. This activity assures that you can replenish your energy until the baby comes.
6. Take The Glucose Challenge Test
One of the healthcare examinations that pregnant women need to get subjected to is the Glucose Challenge Test (GCT). In a nutshell, it aims to help you find out whether you have gestational diabetes or not. The said condition is entirely different from Type 2 diabetes which men or women contract at any age since it only becomes apparent when someone goes through pregnancy.
Why Should Gestational Diabetes Get Detected Early?
Obstetricians perform the GCT on their patients who are six to eight months pregnant, in general. However, certain factors will require them to do it as promptly as the first prenatal checkup, including obesity and diabetic history in the family. The testing for gestational diabetes should take place within this period because the amount of insulin that the soon-to-be mother produces is usually higher than usual. For this reason, it can trigger more complex issues that might take effect during pregnancy.
What Should Expectant Mothers Not Do Before The Examination?
The Glucose Challenge Screening Test is unlike the typical blood sugar test that requires people to fast for several hours beforehand. The central ideology behind this valuation is to observe how quickly can the system process the new sugar that enters the body. Thus, you should not stop consuming the common foods and beverages that you take daily to make the test results reliable. Consequently, if you have weight problems, the doctor may also advise you to eat no less than 150 grams of carbohydrates for three straight days before the appointment.
How Does The GCT Occur?
On the day that you are supposed to return for the examination, you will need to drink a solution that consists of about 75 grams of glucose in a maximum of five minutes. Since it is sugar, the taste may appeal to you. If not, some testing centers offer this liquid in various flavors such as line, orange, and cola.
Once you have finished the solution, you need to wait for precisely an hour before the health practitioner can draw a blood sample out of you. During this gap, you can take a seat anywhere or busy yourself with a book or smartphone, but you cannot move around too much to allow the glucose to settle in properly.
For scientific purposes, the medical specialist will take a sample of the patient’s blood before the consumption of the liquid, and then twice after the one-hour window. It ascertains that they can generate an accurate report. If it turns out that you indeed have gestational diabetes, you may go through the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT).
What Can Pregnant Women Expect From The GCT?
The glucose solution that they will ask you to drink does not give off an adverse side effect. But because you need to consume a sweet beverage within five minutes, you might experience lightheadedness or nausea. On a positive note, this sensation will disappear after some time without any drug; thus, you should not worry much about it.
Prevention will always be more favorable than cure. Besides, if we speak of mental illness or even a physical condition like diabetes, there is usually no turning back from that. Hence, you should follow the tips given above to avoid causing trouble on yourself during pregnancy.
A lot of things can happen in your life that will make you feel like the whole or entire world has turned its back on you. During these moments, it is completely okay to cry and let your emotions out. Sometimes, doing such a thing is the only way to keep your sanity. Keep in mind that experiencing difficulties and extreme challenges can be traumatic on your part. “No one said that being a mother was an easy job. Its quite simply the hardest job around,”Michele L. Brennan, Psy.D. said.
In this article, we are going to primarily focus on how to survive emotional abandonment during your pregnancy. What can you do when your hopes of creating a family of your own have become impossible?
Think Of The Baby First
When you are suffering from an emotional trauma caused by rejection from the father of your child, it is possible that you will lose yourself. Unfortunately, it can also give rise to certain thoughts about giving up. What you need to do is to remind yourself that you are going to become a mother soon. It means that your responsibility is not only with yourself but also with your upcoming baby. Do not let your ex-lover make you think that you deserve to be lonely. Instead, embrace your pregnancy.
Emotional trauma is hard to overcome, but then again, Susanne Babbel MFT, PhD says “But how do you actually overcome helplessness, find meaning in life, gain optimism, and learn new perspectives?” even after this terrible ordeal in your life? She says that you should write a list of the things you love doing, what you want to achieve, and your life goals, among other things.
Learn How To Forgive
At this point, it is vital to discuss the fact that keeping a grudge within you can pose some danger or risks to your health and that of your baby. As such, it is best if you will just let go of what happened and move on from the painful experience. Just because the father of your child is not responsible does not mean that you can do the same. What is essential is to keep your head held high. Forgive your former partner so that you can truly move forward to better tomorrows.
Cut Communication Lines
Never beg someone to stay in your life if it is obvious that he does not want to do such a thing. Therefore, you have to entertain the idea of cutting or terminating the communication ties between you and the father of your beloved kid. Keep in mind that the more you establish a connection with him, the more stressful it would be on your part. If it continues to happen, there is a high chance that you will be stressed throughout your pregnancy.
Confide To Someone
Never make the mistake of keeping all your worries to yourself. Feel free to open up to someone whom you can trust. In so doing, you are somehow making a way to feel relieved about the situation. Do not forget that life is difficult if you do not have someone to talk to. The step that you need to take is to look for a true friend who will never reveal your secrets. With this person, you can let your guards down because there is a guarantee that he will support you.
Ask For Help
Another essential thing that you must keep in mind is never to feel embarrassed to ask for help from the people surrounding you. Take note that many things to take care of when it comes to getting pregnant. Hence, you must acknowledge the reality that you need to ask for help from the right individuals in your life. Call a close friend or a family member who can assist you in your pregnancy needs. Never send them away because of having a high pride.
Consult With A Doctor
Feeling in pain because of the abandonment is not enough reason to miss your medical checkups. Do not forget that you have to see your doctor on a regular basis to check if your baby is safe. At the same time, it is also significant so that you will have an idea about your pregnancy. Remember that your pregnancy may be complicated, which is why there is a great necessity to get the regular pre-natal examinations. Trust the doctor that he will do everything he can to protect himself.
Keep Yourself Busy
“A 2018 study conducted by researchers at Mass General and Yale University shows that even brief amounts of meditation benefits cognitive performance and attention,” says Dr. Jamie Long PsyD. This is how she keeps herself busy.
Cliché as it may sound but the secret to overcoming the depression and grief brought by emotional abandonment is to keep yourself busy. Look for the things that you are passionate about and pursue your dreams. For example, you can spend most of your time reading about motherhood so that you can be confident in raising a child of your own in the next future. Another excellent idea is to attend workshops or seminars that will teach you a new skill. Do something that will spark joy in your life because you deserve it.
Always put in mind that you are capable of surviving this journey without a lover or partner beside you. Trust in the love and support that others are willing to give you. Let them offer their help so that you can save yourself from sinking to the rock bottom. You can still turn your life around. Believe in what you can do and accomplish.