The loss of a child through miscarriage is perhaps the most heartbreaking experience for any expectant mother. Unless they’ve been through it, nobody can really understand how to deal with the grief that comes with losing an unborn child. “Sadness over loss is not depression. Grief must be experienced, not stifled or medicated. The misconception is that grieving should be brief, not too obvious, and quickly dispensed with,” according to Margaret Wehrenberg, PsyD.
Unfortunately, many families go through this every year. According to statistics:
- Around 15-20% of expectant mothers suffer a miscarriage
- In the United States, 1 in 200 babies are stillborn
- SIDS affects 5,000-7,000 infants yearly
- Approximately 11,300 infants die within 24 hours of being born
While tragic, these figures show that if you suffer from this kind of loss, you should know that you are not alone. There are plenty of ways, apart from your families, where you can draw support during this challenging time.
“The psychological effects are profound, because miscarriage is so deeply connected to an individual’s sense of identity and self-esteem,” says psychiatrist Monica N. Starkman M.D.
This article aims to tackle some of the issues surrounding the loss of a child due to a miscarriage. So if you or someone you know are going through the ordeal, then with these thoughts, it will be bearable to handle. In time you will heal, and you must make an effort to do so, or else you will suffer in the long run.
“I believe the invisibility and lack of open discussion about miscarriage is another way many women can be unfairly alone, muted, burdened, and stigmatized with an experience that is not their fault. Unfortunately, we see this in many areas in women’s lives, including abuse, sexual assault, disabilities, mental health issues, and more,” according to Alicia Del Prado Ph.D.
It is never easy to lose a child, but for some women, it does happen. If ever you are one of those who have lost their little angel, then know that your baby is in heaven, safe and well-protected.
The pain is excruciating, and at times, you feel guilty. You think that it is not right for you to be alive and for your baby to be gone. This is the depression talking. You need to be strong for yourself, your husband or partner, your other children, and your loved ones. If others can make it through this agonizing time, well, you can do it too. You will make it through. For your sake, you have to push on.
“Couples faced with pregnancy loss generally have no reason whatsoever to blame themselves, although certain lifestyle choices such as drug abuse may exert some influence,” says Robert D. Martin Ph.D.
Remember these things in case the depression will eat you up in some situations. These thoughts will ease your troubled heart and mind for that moment so you can cope and go on another day:
Different Women Have DiverseExperiences With Various Ways Of Dealing.
There is no set formula or timeline on how to move on. You need to let yourself heal at your own time and pace.
What You Feel Is Totally Normal.
The body after pregnancy goes through a lot of physical and hormonal changes which can cause mood disorders. Add to this the stress of losing a child, and it can really be overwhelming.
Grief Is Not Just A Feeling; It’s A Process With Several Stages.
This process is entirely a separate thing from the postpartum depression and should be viewed as such. Switching between anger and dissociation is normal to some extent, but it must not be prolonged.
While Grief Is Separate From Depression, ItCan Progress If Not Dealt With Appropriately.
Many mothers experience guilt, shame, and suicidal feelings during this time, so it is essential to regain one’s hope and sense of self to heal.
You Will Always Be A Mother.
In these cases, it is crucial to assure the mother that even if she can’t participate in the actual experience of motherhood, she is still valued and appreciated. She is and forever will be a mother.
The next blog which will be titled “More Things That You Should Know About Grief And Depression After A Miscarriage” will talk more on this topic. Hopefully, it will help mothers who are suffering from pain because of a miscarriage.